E3 is here again, that beautiful week-long carnival in which games companies spell out the promises that they intend to break over the coming year. I always make predictions to my friends about what will happen at E3, and this year I thought I would put them on record before it all kicks off.

Nintendo:

  • The main item will obviously be the ’3DS’, or whatever they call it. That’s not really a prediction, but this is: there will be no mention of the HD Wii that they are obviously developing, because they want to keep the media focused on their new handheld.
  • They’ll reveal the first real details about the new Zelda game. Again, that is a dead cert, but my prediction is that it will follow the standard Zelda template exactly except for one special game mechanic (eg. that your sword turns into a woman), which will look brilliant in their presentation but turn out to be a pointless gimmick when the game is released. This is pretty much what happened with Twilight Princess, and it sold well.
  • Cammie Dunaway will say something slightly wrong and misogynistic nerds around the world will be utterly infuriated.
  • The 3DS will move towards the Wii’s target demographic. There will be at least one Wii Fit/Wii Sports/Wii Music style genteel lifestyle game shown. Perhaps something with a pedometer that keeps track of your running.
  • Speaking of which, I can’t remember if the 3DS has already been confirmed to have Mii support, but I think it’s a strong possibility. You should be able to send transfer Miis between the 3DS and the Wii, but Nintendo have a terrible record when it comes to using Miis so I’m not holding my breath.
  • We will learn less about Pokémon Black/White than viewers of Pokémon Sunday do every week.

Microsoft:

  • Natal is due out this year, so Microsoft will be focusing on that. There’ll be a lot of terrible-looking games that are designed to use it to the full (as per Project Hammer and the Wii remote), a small number of really great looking games that use it only a little (top contender: Fable III), and a curious set of games designed to compete with Wii Fit/Wii Sports/etc.
  • This last category of ‘lifestyle’ games will enrage core 360 gamers and set loads of PS3 owners into utterly uncalled-for fits of giggles.
  • Sonic 4 will be held up in a strange attempt to show that the 360 is still the console of choice for the OLD-SCHOOL HARDCORE gamers. As if Sonic was ever a hardcore game and not just a primary-coloured fairground ride.
  • Similarly, there’ll be a LOT of stuff about Halo: Reach (since it’s pretty much wrapped up and ready to go by now), but there’ll be very little mention of whatever new multiplatform projects Bungie are working on.
  • There’ll be some Mass Effect 3 teasers, but they won’t tell us much more than the end sequence of Mass Effect 2. There’ll be a really long Gears of War 3 trailer, and it will look even dumber than Gears of War 2. In fact, once you throw in Fable III, their main game lineup will be very similar to E3 2008, but with all the numbers incremented by 1.
  • This year’s ill-conceived musical guest will be Justin Bieber; he will fluff his lines and end up talking about his favourite Pokémon.
  • Justin Bieber’s favourite Pokémon is Dialga.

Sony:

  • Nintendo are selling the 3DS; Microsoft are selling Natal; Sony are selling the PlayStation Move. The PS Move has been ridiculed widely in gaming circles, but once Sony put some games on the table I think it will emerge as the clear choice for ‘hardcore’ games. It provides the freedom of Natal with the direct interface options of the Wii remote, without sacrificing speed or precision. Games journalists will spend the week playing with all three systems and describe the PS Move as the ‘surprise winner’.
  • I think the PS3 has been eating into the 360′s market share over the last year or so, and Sony will want to build momentum on this by highlighting the franchises that were previously 360 exclusives. Unlike Microsoft, Sony will want to make as much noise as possible about any multiplatform Bungie games they can get their hands on.
  • Besides the PS Move, Sony’s other main announcement will be 3DTV stuff. They’ll push this harder than expected because it’s something the other consoles aren’t really touching on yet. Their 3D games (and I hope Warhawk is one of them) will get a mixed reaction but that doesn’t matter because nobody will actually buy a 3DTV any time this year.
  • There will probably be some attempt to revitalise the PSP, since the PSP Go turned out to be exactly the kind of absurd mess that everyone was expecting. I think they’ll keep it quite low-key this year, partly because they don’t want to admit how badly they messed up and partly just to keep the media focused on the PS3 and HDTV.
  • Little Big Planet 2 will look excellent.
  • There will be some vague new information about The Last Guardian. Whatever is shown – and I mean anything – will drive muso gamers around the world absolutely wild. Nobody else will care.#

EDIT: Since writing this, I’ve read over some other people’s predictions and I don’t think I’ve missed much. I do think I’ve been a bit conservative, but whatever. The only thing I’ve read about that I want to add to this post is Monday Night Combat… this looks great! It appears to be the bastard child of TF2 and Smash TV, two of my favourite games. There’s a lot of things that could go wrong with it, but a lot of potential excellence too.